The Next Step

Wow, here it is, October 30th, 2010. October has gone by so fast. On Monday morning, October 25th I received a call from my surgeons’ office letting me know they had scheduled my surgery for November 1st. I have to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. Wow, that kept playing over and over in my head! That was only one week away. I had expected it would be at least the second week in November before they could get me scheduled, and that was optimistic as they had to schedule two plastic surgeons along with my oncology surgeon and at least six to eight hours of operating room time. I was not prepared at all for things to happen so quickly. Heck, it was the last week of the month, and at work that was always a busy time. At that moment, for a short time, I felt a bit of a panic attack come on. I called my husband and told him what I had just found out. I had to go talk to my boss and let him know I would be leaving a little sooner than I had originally thought. And then I told some of my co-workers. They are all on this journey with me, they’re all supportive, all pulling for me and I could feel their support like warm arms around me. I know that each one genuinely felt for me and their concern and healing wishes for me were holding me up that last week of work.

That afternoon I had to leave early so I could go in for a pre-surgical meeting with my plastic surgeon. I had some forms to complete and instructions on what would happen on the day of my surgery and how to care for my wounds and drains after my surgery. I also had to schedule a meeting with my oncology surgeon. That appointment was set for Friday the 29th. The days in between went by like a flash! I worked from 6:30 AM in the morning until after 5:00 PM on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I took off Friday because I had a number of appointments scheduled. First I met with my oncology surgeon. I received a packet from him with instructions to follow, not unlike what the plastic surgeon had given me. He told me the reason I had to check in so early for my surgery was because they were going to inject a dye into the lymph nodes in my armpit area so they can remove some of them for a pathological exam. This will help them better follow the path the cancer may have taken if it has spread. They will be removing some lymph nodes before the mastectomy so they can get pathology on them to see if there is cancer moving thru my system, not just in my breasts. Next they will perform the double mastectomy. Once that is underway the plastic surgeons will begin work on my abdominal muscle and some of the fatty tissue and start the process of rebuilding my breasts. This is the longer part of the surgery because it is tedious and there will be a lot of stitching once they are finished ‘rearranging’ my front end.

Next I had an appointment with the admissions office at the hospital so I could get the majority of the paperwork out of the way so we wouldn’t have to do that on Monday morning. I had to have blood drawn so they can type it and arrange to have several units of blood available for me during the surgery. I was going to give my own blood to be used, but I am anemic and the blood bank would not allow me to give blood. I also had an EKG, to check for abnormalities. Everything in that regard was good so I left the hospital that day with more paperwork and instructions. No food or drink after 11:00 p.m. Sunday night. (They made sure to tell me ‘no Halloween candy after 11:00) I was thinking more along the lines of having a Jack Daniels and Water or something more ‘adult’ that evening.

Now that brings us up to today, Saturday. Our daughter came up this morning to spend the day and stay the night. She wanted to spend some time with me before I go in for my procedure. Our son wanted to come up, but he’s fighting a cough and some congestion so opted to talk on the phone so he doesn’t bring up any nasty germs. I appreciate the thoughtfulness on his part as I know it was hard for him to stay away. Our family is so very close and we have been through so much in the last 15 years. They have seen their father go through many procedures on his heart, and now they are waiting for their mom to have this cancer removed. I am very proud of them for their strength and their courage. They are both very well rounded, caring and each has a great deal of inner strength. I believe much of that has to do with the fact that our family has been through so much, and we have stayed positive and strong for each other. They know life is fragile and each day is a gift to be lived to the fullest.

My brother also came up today. He brought mom and dad up with him. They live in Broomfield, about 60 miles South of Fort Collins so as close as they are, we don’t find ourselves making the trip back and forth as often as we would like to. They wanted to come spend some time with us before my surgery, because it will be quite some time before I’m up for the drive down to visit them. It was a great afternoon; we went to the Olive Garden where we laughed, ate and had a very nice time. It was sad to watch them drive away as I knew they would worry. I don’t like people to worry about me.

Now, the day is closing and I come to the realization that tomorrow is my last day before my journey takes a turn. Up until now it has been a mental and emotional journey. Beginning Monday the physical aspect of the journey becomes a reality and will be coupled with further mental and emotional ups and downs. Am I ready for that part of the trip? Well, ‘ready or not, here it comes’! I believe I am ready, I have the best support system, family, friends, even people I have not met, but who know of my journey through my husbands’ blog are coming along with us. Thanks to all of you, I know I am not alone in this.

Earlier this morning, prior to our company arriving my husband and I made the rounds and picked up some things that might help when I return home after the surgery. I picked up a couple of oversized body pillows as having gone through abdominal surgery before I know that they will be a comfort when I have to get up and on my feet and they will also create a barrier that our little Miniature Schnauzer can’t penetrate. Mr. Gibbs as we call him is a lover and a lap dog and it’s going to be a big adjustment to not being in Mom’s lap or being able to curl up next to us when we’re asleep in bed. Tomorrow the recliner will be moved to the bedroom as I’ve been advised and also know from past experience that initially sleeping in the recliner will be far more comfortable than trying to sleep in our bed. My surgeon told me that once they use the abdominal muscle to reconstruct my breasts I will lose the part of the muscle that ‘begins’ the sit up. So, getting out of bed will consist of rolling over and using my arms to sit up instead of my belly muscles. Gosh, no more sit ups! That may be a perk I hadn’t counted on, ha ha. As a side note to using abdominal muscles, we half jokingly asked the surgeon if, because they were using the upper layer of abdominal muscles to rebuild my breasts, would those muscles still fire if I attempted to do a sit up. The surgeon, once he stopped laughing said ‘No, the muscles would be passive.’ My husband chuckled and said, “Damn, there goes my visions having to do with “Crunchies”! Anyone that knows us knows we deal with most of the very serious things in our lives with humor. It keeps us from taking ourselves to seriously and keeps things in perspective. I was a little disappointed to know that my ‘tassel theory’ of using muscle memory to spin them was shot down. OK, maybe that is a joke, too…… but the surgeon got a kick out of it! He is pleased we have such a good attitude about this whole thing. I feel like we might as well, because we are on this path no matter how we deal with it so I would rather laugh than worry, because worry will not change a thing!

So, tomorrow is Sunday and Halloween. The Broncos play in London; I love London and look forward to going back there some day. I think at this point the scary thing about Halloween will be watching the Broncos play San Francisco.

As a side note, snow is falling in the high country of Colorado, looks like winter is not too far off.