Lisa G's Adventure, My Journey Through Breast Cancer
The reflections of my journey from being healthy, in a balanced world to being knocked off my feet upon finding out I have breast cancer, and how life can change in the blink of an eye.
Monday, April 18, 2011
I'm Back!
Hello to all of you who have been kind enough to keep an eye on my blog. I apologize for not having written in quite a long time. Here it is the middle of April and I’m just now getting with it. I believe I have been going through some mental struggles and have not been able to pull my thoughts together. I have been processing in my head all of the things I wanted to share, but haven’t been able to focus to get them written down. The first thing I have to say is I am extremely happy to be alive and to be writing this! I must take a minute to thank my wonderful husband, who has been my nurse, hairdresser, cook, housecleaner, therapist, and pretty much everything else that one could think of over this very challenging time in my life. I know I have not gone through anything different than so many others have gone through. I have been blessed with the outcome of my surgery(s) and all; not to mention how wonderful my friends, family and co-workers have been. My heart has been warmed and my soul touched by all of the care and kindness from so many. My humble heart-felt thank you to all of you!
Now, having said that, I will begin catching up and filling in some blanks from the last 5+ months – from MY perspective. I know Rod updated my progress on the ‘Hubby’s Notes’ tab of my blog, and I am thankful for that! But, there were so many things going on with me that I would like to share and even ‘talk out’ here so maybe others can know they are not alone in what they are or may go through at some point in their lives.
I will not make it very far today, mainly I wanted to let everyone know I am back and will try to write updates to my blog at least once a week. I have been back to work and some days I am so exhausted, all I want to do is eat dinner and go to sleep. I have had a problem with one of my breasts not healing since the first surgery in November. As my Doctor explained it, the use of the stomach muscle and the fatty tissue from my belly to reconstruct my breasts was successful, however, the blood flow to the area is sometimes not as good as they would like. I, for some reason, have had a problem with one breast getting infections. I went to seem my Doctor several times in February for the same thing over and over. I know he was getting a little frustrated because he was not able to solve the problem. He is such a perfectionist that he was bewildered that I was having problems. The end of February when I saw him, I was also very tired and feeling like I was coming down with something. He immediately became concerned that I was fighting an infection and that it may be spreading throughout my body. He immediately scheduled surgery for me two days later. This surgery was to remove some tissue that had died back and become infected. It was a horrible infection and was making me weak. After that surgery I felt much better. I had a drain in my breast to help it drain out fluid for over the next week. Things seemed to be coming along – my Doctor removed the drain and stitched the wound closed. Things looked pretty good and seemed to finally be healing – until two days before I was to have my stitches removed. It was a Saturday night and we paid a visit to the Emergency Room because my stitches were inflamed and leaking a nasty, smelly fluid. My Doctor was out of town that weekend so I had to see someone else. I’m sure he is a wonderful surgeon as well, but I felt like we had to convince him he needed to meet us at the Hospital. It was frustrating for me, for both of us, because we had been going through so many months of my not healing, infections and fatigue so for him to hesitate in having us go on over to the hospital was a little frustrating. As it happened, he wound removing my stitches and cleaning out the wound – removing some more dead and infected tissue. It seemed like for the entire month of March I was on one or two antibiotics. I began eating yogurt religiously. (Chobani Greek Yogurt is fantastic, by the way!) I was beginning to feel like I was never going to heal! I had thoughts in my head of not having any more surgery and letting my breasts stay as they are. On one hand, they are not pretty – I have no nipples since they were removed when I had the mastectomy, and they are not even at all. But, the thought of getting healed and then having a surgery and going through the healing process again is not appealing at this time. I am sure I will change my mind once I am healed, but right now the thought of not going forward with the cosmetic part of the repair is heavy on my mind.
Having said all of that, I am feeling tired and am going to close for now. I will be picking topics that have been on my mind and writing about them over the next few weeks. I think this topic, the lack of healing, has been the first thing I’ve written about because it has been an ongoing issue, and so is a big deal in my life right now. As a side note, one other thing I have been fighting for quite a while is anemia. This has been going on since before the cancer was found, but kind of took a back seat. In February my oncologist did some blood tests and found I was extremely iron deficient. She scheduled an iron infusion for me the beginning of the month. It was an interesting day, I was at the cancer center and there were many people having chemo therapy and other kinds of treatment. All of the people were so friendly. Some were sleeping, most had someone with them to wait while they were hooked up to their IV’s. It was a sobering day, for sure. I was so afraid of having to have chemo after my cancer was removed. When my Oncologist told me I did not have to have chemo, but, instead would be taking a daily dose of Tamoxafin for the next 5 years, I was thrilled. So far, I seem to be tolerating it very well. I go back to see her in May so will go over tests for how that drug is doing as well as checking out the blood tests to see how my iron is going. I do feel better since the infusion, but with all of the infections my body has been struggling to heal so it has been difficult to tell just how much of a difference it has made. I must say, I have always been athletic and pretty healthy. This ordeal has really been an eye-opener to me as it has really knocked me off my feet, and I am not use to that! The hardest thing for me is to slow down and allow myself to be sick and to rest when I need to rest and to heal. My husband gets very frustrated with me when I push myself to exhaustion and then don’t understand why I’m run down. I am learning, but apparently I am a slow learner. I know he would like to smack me on the back of the head as my favorite Agent Gibbs on NCIS does to his team. Ah, those Marines all do the head slap!
I am heading off for now; enjoy Spring-time, the new beginnings and each and every day as the gift that it is in Life! Every day is beautiful, and should be experienced completely and with wonder.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Just a quick note...
Actually, we never even thought to mention that Lisa won't be able to blog for a while as she won't be up to setting at the computer.... Her progress and experiences are being noted on a second page called Hubby's Notes that is located at just below the heading photo. Lisa will be back on line as soon as she can set and type.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tick Tock
Heavy sigh, the weekend has flown by so very fast, like the month of October itself – I can’t believe how quickly it has gone. I find myself counting the hours until I can not have anything to eat and drink. Not that I’m hungry, because I’m not really wanting anything, but just because that’s a count down to the next step. I have found myself being a bit more anxious today, I did not sleep soundly last night and find myself worrying that I will wake up late tomorrow and be late for my surgery! At this point, I may not even sleep anyway so I really do not think that will be a problem. I am not sure where the anxiousness is coming from. Maybe because I see the worry in my daughters face, she is very brave, but I know she is worried about her mom. I also see my husband a bit out of sorts. He did not sleep well last night either. And the dogs, our Golden Retriever Madison knows something is up. She has been sticking close by me and I believe she senses I’m not quite myself. Our Miniature Schnauzer, Mr. Gibbs, who has been my side-kick since we got him in April, has been totally out of sorts. He is right now sleeping on my feet as I’m sitting here typing. He has followed me everywhere for the last several weeks. I can not even go into the bathroom without him escorting me. Last night while I was trying to sleep I would find him laying nose-to-nose with me looking at me like “What is wrong mom?” It is so hard to watch everyone around me be so concerned and to know it’s because they love me that they are worried. I love them all too, so very much, but do not like to be the cause of their anxiety – I am suppose to be the one that helps remove that from their lives. What an irony that I am now the cause! I worry about my husband, I know he is a very strong man and he will be fine, but I also know that until he hears I am out of surgery he will have an added level of stress that is not good for his heart. I also know that we are connected, deep down in our roots as if from the very beginning of time, so he knows in his heart I will be okay, and his strength and that of my kids will help me be at peace in the morning as I head off on the next step of my journey. If I did not know that, this whole thing would be unbearable! We have so many wonderful friends and family members outside our immediate clan that I know should something happen to set back my healing time, my husband and kids would be well taken care of. It is just that being a wife for the last 29 years and a mother for the last 26 years has made if difficult for me to back off and let them all take care of me and to let our good friends in close enough to take care of my family. I thank God for everyone He has brought into our lives, we have been extremely fortunate to have the angels around us that we do. To all of you reading this, thank you for being part of OUR journey!
Ah, the count down continues! I have had some wonderful conversations with my very closest friends this evening. They have always been there for me and hearing their voices is such a comfort. We all keep in touch as much as possible via email, living in different cities makes it difficult to see each other as much as we would like, but that doesn’t make the bond we have shared any less strong! I miss our nights at the theatre and the gatherings we have been to together, but I know we will have more of those times. We each have things going on in our lives that keep us from being together in the same place, but we are always together in our hearts, and that is the energy that helps each of us be there for each other at a moments notice!
As the clock ticks down to my next step and I realize I have to make sure (again) that I have everything in order before I go to bed tonight (for the hundredth time) I want to share a story. My husband, the wonderful man that he is, has the most interesting dreams from time to time. I can tell when he’s been dwelling on something but hasn’t quite gotten it out of his system. He told me this morning that the other night he had a dream that he was talking to a taxidermist about a rabbit that he was having worked on. He explained to the taxidermist how the TRAM Flap surgery was going to be preformed to rebuild my breasts after the mastectomy. He wanted to make sure the taxidermist put the breasts on the rabbit just right! Tee hee, I couldn’t help but burst into laughter! I wonder if they will call it a Boob-a-lope? Maybe a Breast-a-lope, heck, Wyoming has a Jack-a-lope so Colorado needs something, right?!? Thanks honey, for making me laugh!
As I close my posting for tonight, I want to say a few things. I know that this whole journey that I am on is a serious thing. It has begun because a cancer has grown in my body, something that was not invited and not expected at all. This time in my life, while I am keeping a positive attitude and approaching this with humor to keep me from letting in the fear that is lurking just outside my door, I am confident that I have the best surgical team, oncologist, and health care providers available. I know that my family and my friends are there for me and no matter what happens, and how this turns out, it has all been for a reason. If nothing else, it was to share how I traveled my journey, and how I dealt with the bumps and at times tripped and had to be helped up by someone. There is always something to be learned by what we must travel through in our lives, and I do believe that each challenge we face makes us stronger and more human. We are here to be examples for each other, and to help each other when help is needed. This is my time to rely on others, and for what ever reason, I accept that and hope that I learn what lessons I must from this so I can help someone else through a journey of their own.
For those of you who want to know how things turn out tomorrow, my husband will be adding postings to my blog while I am unable to. Please see the Hubby’s Notes tab on my blog. He will update it as often as he can for me.
Thank you all for your well wishes, stick with us to see where the fork in the road leads us!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The Next Step
Wow, here it is, October 30th, 2010. October has gone by so fast. On Monday morning, October 25th I received a call from my surgeons’ office letting me know they had scheduled my surgery for November 1st. I have to arrive at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. Wow, that kept playing over and over in my head! That was only one week away. I had expected it would be at least the second week in November before they could get me scheduled, and that was optimistic as they had to schedule two plastic surgeons along with my oncology surgeon and at least six to eight hours of operating room time. I was not prepared at all for things to happen so quickly. Heck, it was the last week of the month, and at work that was always a busy time. At that moment, for a short time, I felt a bit of a panic attack come on. I called my husband and told him what I had just found out. I had to go talk to my boss and let him know I would be leaving a little sooner than I had originally thought. And then I told some of my co-workers. They are all on this journey with me, they’re all supportive, all pulling for me and I could feel their support like warm arms around me. I know that each one genuinely felt for me and their concern and healing wishes for me were holding me up that last week of work.
That afternoon I had to leave early so I could go in for a pre-surgical meeting with my plastic surgeon. I had some forms to complete and instructions on what would happen on the day of my surgery and how to care for my wounds and drains after my surgery. I also had to schedule a meeting with my oncology surgeon. That appointment was set for Friday the 29th. The days in between went by like a flash! I worked from 6:30 AM in the morning until after 5:00 PM on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I took off Friday because I had a number of appointments scheduled. First I met with my oncology surgeon. I received a packet from him with instructions to follow, not unlike what the plastic surgeon had given me. He told me the reason I had to check in so early for my surgery was because they were going to inject a dye into the lymph nodes in my armpit area so they can remove some of them for a pathological exam. This will help them better follow the path the cancer may have taken if it has spread. They will be removing some lymph nodes before the mastectomy so they can get pathology on them to see if there is cancer moving thru my system, not just in my breasts. Next they will perform the double mastectomy. Once that is underway the plastic surgeons will begin work on my abdominal muscle and some of the fatty tissue and start the process of rebuilding my breasts. This is the longer part of the surgery because it is tedious and there will be a lot of stitching once they are finished ‘rearranging’ my front end.
Next I had an appointment with the admissions office at the hospital so I could get the majority of the paperwork out of the way so we wouldn’t have to do that on Monday morning. I had to have blood drawn so they can type it and arrange to have several units of blood available for me during the surgery. I was going to give my own blood to be used, but I am anemic and the blood bank would not allow me to give blood. I also had an EKG, to check for abnormalities. Everything in that regard was good so I left the hospital that day with more paperwork and instructions. No food or drink after 11:00 p.m. Sunday night. (They made sure to tell me ‘no Halloween candy after 11:00) I was thinking more along the lines of having a Jack Daniels and Water or something more ‘adult’ that evening.
Now that brings us up to today, Saturday. Our daughter came up this morning to spend the day and stay the night. She wanted to spend some time with me before I go in for my procedure. Our son wanted to come up, but he’s fighting a cough and some congestion so opted to talk on the phone so he doesn’t bring up any nasty germs. I appreciate the thoughtfulness on his part as I know it was hard for him to stay away. Our family is so very close and we have been through so much in the last 15 years. They have seen their father go through many procedures on his heart, and now they are waiting for their mom to have this cancer removed. I am very proud of them for their strength and their courage. They are both very well rounded, caring and each has a great deal of inner strength. I believe much of that has to do with the fact that our family has been through so much, and we have stayed positive and strong for each other. They know life is fragile and each day is a gift to be lived to the fullest.
My brother also came up today. He brought mom and dad up with him. They live in Broomfield, about 60 miles South of Fort Collins so as close as they are, we don’t find ourselves making the trip back and forth as often as we would like to. They wanted to come spend some time with us before my surgery, because it will be quite some time before I’m up for the drive down to visit them. It was a great afternoon; we went to the Olive Garden where we laughed, ate and had a very nice time. It was sad to watch them drive away as I knew they would worry. I don’t like people to worry about me.
Now, the day is closing and I come to the realization that tomorrow is my last day before my journey takes a turn. Up until now it has been a mental and emotional journey. Beginning Monday the physical aspect of the journey becomes a reality and will be coupled with further mental and emotional ups and downs. Am I ready for that part of the trip? Well, ‘ready or not, here it comes’! I believe I am ready, I have the best support system, family, friends, even people I have not met, but who know of my journey through my husbands’ blog are coming along with us. Thanks to all of you, I know I am not alone in this.
Earlier this morning, prior to our company arriving my husband and I made the rounds and picked up some things that might help when I return home after the surgery. I picked up a couple of oversized body pillows as having gone through abdominal surgery before I know that they will be a comfort when I have to get up and on my feet and they will also create a barrier that our little Miniature Schnauzer can’t penetrate. Mr. Gibbs as we call him is a lover and a lap dog and it’s going to be a big adjustment to not being in Mom’s lap or being able to curl up next to us when we’re asleep in bed. Tomorrow the recliner will be moved to the bedroom as I’ve been advised and also know from past experience that initially sleeping in the recliner will be far more comfortable than trying to sleep in our bed. My surgeon told me that once they use the abdominal muscle to reconstruct my breasts I will lose the part of the muscle that ‘begins’ the sit up. So, getting out of bed will consist of rolling over and using my arms to sit up instead of my belly muscles. Gosh, no more sit ups! That may be a perk I hadn’t counted on, ha ha. As a side note to using abdominal muscles, we half jokingly asked the surgeon if, because they were using the upper layer of abdominal muscles to rebuild my breasts, would those muscles still fire if I attempted to do a sit up. The surgeon, once he stopped laughing said ‘No, the muscles would be passive.’ My husband chuckled and said, “Damn, there goes my visions having to do with “Crunchies”! Anyone that knows us knows we deal with most of the very serious things in our lives with humor. It keeps us from taking ourselves to seriously and keeps things in perspective. I was a little disappointed to know that my ‘tassel theory’ of using muscle memory to spin them was shot down. OK, maybe that is a joke, too…… but the surgeon got a kick out of it! He is pleased we have such a good attitude about this whole thing. I feel like we might as well, because we are on this path no matter how we deal with it so I would rather laugh than worry, because worry will not change a thing!
So, tomorrow is Sunday and Halloween. The Broncos play in London; I love London and look forward to going back there some day. I think at this point the scary thing about Halloween will be watching the Broncos play San Francisco.
As a side note, snow is falling in the high country of Colorado, looks like winter is not too far off.
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Beginning
For the last three weeks I’ve been in a fog. It has been like being in a surreal world that is barely out of sync with what is going on around me, but being unable to place my finger on what is not right. Until I look at my calendar and realize the events that have transpired in just the last 21 days. It is like they are happening to someone else, not to me, and I am watching and being sucked into this alternative reality. And then I realize, this IS my life and these things are happening to me!
The end of September 2010 I went in for a routine mammogram. I was not at all surprised when I was called and told my doctor wanted to have me go back for a second look at my right breast along with an ultra sound of that breast. From the very first time I had a mammogram I have always been called back for a second look, so this was not unusual. On Monday morning, October 4th I went in for my second look and ultra sound. I had never had an ultrasound on a breast before so was very intrigued at what they were doing. Having had an ultrasound when I was pregnant, it was very obvious what I was looking at, but watching the technician do her job was fascinating. Every now and then she would see a blip of a dark spot and I would wonder what she was looking at as for the most part, everything looked the same. She told me the images were being sent to the Dr that would read them and I would have my results before I left the office. That was the last time I felt confident in my ignorance, and was not worried about the results of this ‘routine’ second test. When the Doctor came into the room and began talking to me I heard everything up until he said “I see a very suspicious spot and I would say there is a 90% chance that it is a cancer, and you should schedule a biopsy as soon as you can.” Wow, did he just say CANCER to ME? I could feel my heart skip a beat or two. My head began to spin and my mind raced. He must be mistaken, they always take a second look and it is never anything to be worried about. Any other part of that conversation was lost on me, as I got dressed and went out to find my husband. He asked me if we were ready to go and I said ‘No, we have to schedule a biopsy”. I heard myself talking, saying the Doctor said there was a 90% chance I had a cancer in my breast. Those words did not just come out of my mouth! He joined me to meet with the nurse who would schedule my biopsy for me. She was a wonderful person, a blessing to me as she was very warm and understanding. We clicked, the three of us, as we discussed scheduling me for the following morning. I was told the results would be ready in 3 to 4 days and I did not want to wait through the weekend to find out if it was really cancer.
To say the least, that was the longest night of my life! I could not sleep, I kept hearing the words ‘cancer’, ‘90% chance it’s malignant’, ‘biopsy’ and ‘very treatable’, etc. in my head. Every time I closed my eyes that night, my mind would not shut off. I have always been a strong person, and have been proud that I handle difficult situations like a champ, but this had totally blown me away. I was not in denial, nor was I in concurrence, I was in limbo. I did not know what to think. There was no cancer in my family, in fact my parents are still alive, my father is 91 and my mother is 88 and they are both pretty feisty. I have been supportive of my wonderfully kind and compassionate husband who has had heart disease and gone through a number of heart attacks and surgeries, and I have dealt with that extremely well. Why was this causing me to shrink up inside myself and causing me to feel so unable to cope?
The next morning, Tuesday I went to the same office I had been the day before. There were many women checking in for procedures and I wondered how many of them were there for a check up, how many had been given the same news I had and how many of them were just fine. At that moment I found statistics bouncing around in my head, how many women really get breast cancer. The fact that this is Breast Cancer Awareness month seemed like an appropriate time for this to happen, as I’ve got an odd sense of humor and that appealed to me as I waited for my appointment. I met with my nurse, the same warm caring soul I had the day before, which I found very comforting. The day before she had asked me if I had wanted anything to help relax me during the biopsy procedure. I, in my very strong and independent way said ‘No thanks, I’ll be fine’. However, that morning I asked her if it was okay if I changed my mind as I had not slept the night before and could really use something to take the edge off of my anxiety. She smiled and had me sign the consent form for taking the medication, a light dose of valium. I must say, it really did help me feel less uptight, and for the first time since the day before I was slightly relaxed. Not long after that, we met briefly with the Dr who was going to do the ultrasound guided biopsy. He drew a little picture of what he was going to do; my nurse had warned me he was a terrible artist and normally I would have teased him, however, the valium had mellowed me a tad past the smart ass stage so his artwork was brilliant as far as he knows. From there we went into the room for my procedure. I really did not feel the little shots they gave me to numb the area they would be working on. I was able to see everything they did, and watch on the ultrasound machine as he stuck the needle in and sucked part of the suspicious mass out of my breast. He had hoped to get it all out, but you can never be sure. Once he was finished he injected a tiny little marker to mark the area he had worked on so should anyone have to go back at a later date, that marker would indicate where they had worked and taken samples from. And, that was that. They gave me an ice pack to wear in my bra off and on for the afternoon. I really was surprised at how little pain I felt and even how little bruising there was. Even that would indicate how healthy I must be and how there couldn’t be anything wrong with me!
Now I was waiting, waiting to hear from my Doctor. I must admit, I felt so very much better just having had the biopsy because I knew that from that point forward I was on a journey. I did not know where it would lead, what kind of twists and turns it would take me down, but I knew that at least there would soon be answers. It was like a weight had been lifted. I was still anxious to a point, but not like I was the day before when I first heard the “C” word. That day was unlike any day I have ever had, and I hope never to have another like it. I could feel my confident, positive self beginning to return. That, too, made me feel much better as I am a confident person and feeling the anxiety I had felt for the first 24 hours of this ordeal was as disturbing to me as the news I had heard that caused me to feel that way! That’s not to say I was not still in a bit of a fog, but it was more of a light mist than a real fog.
Wednesday was a ‘normal’ day; I went to work and came home. I shared some of what I was going through with some of the people at my office, because I needed to talk about it. Many of them had been through the waiting game themselves or with a spouse or a friend or loved one and usually they were given good news, no cancer, just a fright. I felt pretty good with that as I was still optimistic the results were going to come back negative for me anyway. But, I also was haunted by the Doctor who read my ultrasound and took the biopsy because he was so confident that what he saw had a 90% chance of being cancer. It was that day I found one of the ladies I work with had begun a similar journey a few years before me and she shared some of her experiences with me. She told me should my results come back positive, she would be there for me and would help me any way she could. I am thankful for her and her willingness to share her experience with me.
Thursday, October 7th 2010, I received the call I had been waiting for from my Doctor. She asked if I could come by her office to talk about the test results. I asked her what they said, not wanting to have the whole conversation on the phone, but knowing if she wanted me to come in it couldn’t be good. When she said the results had come back malignant I knew I wanted to meet with her face to face and to have my husband along so when I zoned out again, he would hear what was just going to be buzzing in my ears. It was interesting that she told me she was very surprised by the results as I told her “So was I!”
I called my husband to let him know I would be picking him up and we would be meeting with the doctor that afternoon. Until that very moment, I was sure they had made a mistake and that the results would come back as just a dense mass in my breast. From there, things picked up momentum. Before the end of the next day, Friday, I had an appointment to meet with the Surgeon scheduled for Monday October 11th, and an appointment with the Oncologist scheduled for Wednesday. It turns out I knew the surgeon as he had done a surgery on me seven years earlier. He is a wonderful Doctor, and a very genuine, warm man. He spent at least an hour going over everything with my husband and myself. He explained about breast cancer and how treatable it is. How the advances in even the last five years were spectacular. He told me my options and what each one would involve; a lumpectomy and radiation therapy, a mastectomy and a rebuild and what that would involve. We discussed lymph nodes and the need to take out some to see if the cancer might have spread to other areas of my body. He was very thorough and very comforting in the information he was giving us. He explained things in such a way that I felt calm. He scheduled an MRI for me on Thursday the 14th so he could have more defined pictures of both breasts. In addition, he told me I should meet with a plastic surgeon because if I chose to have a mastectomy and an immediate rebuild, I would need to have one on board. He gave his nurse two names to contact for appointments. Both had said they could make appointments two weeks out, but he said that was not good enough. Before I left his office I had an appointment set for Monday the 18th with a plastic surgeon. WOW, things were rolling. I met with the oncologist on Wednesday the 13rh. She was very good, very clinical. She went over the results of the biopsy and the stage of the cancer which, from the size of the tumor, was a stage 1. She gave me orders to have some blood drawn to see if a medication she was considering would be workable for me and we also talked about the options I had for treatment. Before we could plan that, we would need the results of the tissue removed via the lumpectomy, mastectomy or double mastectomy as well as the lymph nodes that would be removed. I was back to being a little anxious, but holding up much better than the first day or two. I still had a direction, but was not sure what path to take.
The next day was the MRI. I had heard from some of my friends that had one, they can be scary, but as it goes, it was not so bad. I think the worst part was when they told me to lay on my stomach and let my breasts hang through the openings in the little platform. The technician went out of the room to check the machine and came back in and told me they’d have to change the set up a bit because I was ‘hitting bottom’. Now that’s awful, my boobs were apparently a bit too long so they had to have a taller platform! OUCH, the humility of it all, ha! I got over that as I’m used to my breasts being a little less ‘perky’ than they had been, and I was anxious to get the tests over with. The whole thing took around half an hour or so. The machine was very loud. They would take a series of pictures some lasting a couple minutes, some lasting four or more minutes at a time. The sounds for different sets of shots were very different from each other. I found myself making words out of the noises, kind of like aliens or some senseless song. I guess idle minds find anything to entertain themselves.
After that it was a weekend! I had a lot to think about, and even though I did not think I was dwelling on the whole thing, I believe my brain was consumed with digesting all of the information I had received over the past two weeks. I was in a zone, maybe the twilight zone, I’m not really sure. My husband was very patient, and I’m sure concerned, but I was actually feeling pretty good in that I was almost sure that I wanted to go with the double mastectomy and the rebuild of both breasts. I felt like if we only did one breast, I would spend the rest of my life worrying that the cancer would pop up in the other breast. If that happened ten years from now and my insurance had changed, or heck – the healthcare system had changed, what would I do? I felt I was in a good place, and I did not want to have to worry about what would be found on my next mammogram or the one after that.
As it turns out, On Monday the 18th, when I met with the plastic surgeon, he told me the MRI had found another larger suspicious area in my left breast. They would suggest a biopsy to see if it, too, was cancer. I thought, “Why do another biopsy and then do surgery, too?” I would like to have both breasts and some lymph nodes removed and then head on down the road of my journey to where it leads me, without worry or at least with minimal worry. So it was at that point I decided what I was leaning toward wanting to do in the first place, a double mastectomy and a rebuild. It turned out my kids and my husband had been hoping I would make that choice, but they did not want to influence me, they wanted it to be my decision. Now at least I had a direction to go in and I had regained a little control. The decision was made and I had been quickly educated to the fact that once diagnosed, things begin to move quickly and come at you at a very fast rate. They were not kidding!!!!
I’ll call that the end of phase one for me, now the plans will be made and the fight begins!
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